The desert – the existence of time and space where all things require a sort of choosing mixed with a sort of coming undone. It becomes an excavation of every nuance of your existence until you are completely as dissolved as the sands. This is not the dark night of the soul; this is a completely other experience I feel – though very similar. The dark night of the soul is consumed with being the shadow; the desert perceives the light of difference and cleaves to this incinerating ideation of duality – duality of right/wrong, light/dark, good/evil, success/failure, victor/victim, etc.
I now realize, at least in this moment, I was purposely being broken down.
Every belief I held about myself was being called to the forum for observation and extraction.
The gap between ego and soul is inescapable.
What exist in the "in-between" are anamorphic colored beliefs of ourselves and the perception of life.
Let me re-phrase...
Any belief that attacks our ability to value ourselves is a distortion.
You are significance.
Anything – Anyone – Any Situation… Circumstance.. Bill, Health Concern, Assault…
is curated to tell you your significance… not your lack thereof.
(Read that again... very slowly. And maybe like 10 times.)
To feel compassion and trust, through the dehydration of the desert, the heart transmutes the healing of Spirit and ascends to SOUL.
This is the release. This is the way out.
Spirit is just the ego's relationship to Energy (We all have a journey of present moment).
Soul is the presence of Divinity.
And in order to get to get to this level of consciousness / this level of spirituality / this level of manifesting / this level of Truth - it requires the arid journey of soul.
One must be drawn out to experience the absence of what is NOT Spirit... what is NOT Soul... All in order to be a channel and conduit of universal love.
I would like to say that you can meditate and namaste yourself into a peaceful existence and that there is no grime you have to unhinge from your anatomy... but it just simply isn't the case.
You have to break
in order to be unconditional, infinite, love.
In my desert, I meditated – prayed – read – worshiped – secluded myself – humbled myself… In my desert I have felt broken and free. I was angry, devastated, sad, abandoned, grateful, encouraged, disappointed, expectant, inspired, rejected, betrayed, HUMILIATED, excited, judged, lost, alone, abused, shattered, heartened…
"Lost... I have lost home, relationships of love, family, friends... I have lost money, I have lost work... I have no where to go, all to chase a dream or revelation whisper I heard? Or maybe even less than that... How can I have surrendered myself and search for you more devoutly than I ever have and feel farther than I have ever been. What happened? How do I look in their eyes and give them the love that is when I am being hollowed out? I feel like I am living a lie. How am I the reflection of infinite grace? Or infinite love? Where are you? The sand... is swallowing me and I feel like I cannot move anymore. I am so cold and yet my body is burning. This is a new death... I am so lost. How did we get here? What is happening?" - my journal entry
World experience has conditioned us to understand life intellectually. Attention spans are short and authentic experiences are exhausted. Connection is lacking and chaos ensues. You will do a “30 day meditation challenge” and expect to have delivery of spiritual awakening or you practice the discipline of yoga for a workout fashion experience versus understand the Sanskrit birthing. Science & Spirit must have explanation or it is false news. Prosperity churches give us skill building sessions like community mental health gives CBT thought triangles... and higher meaning, purpose and the curiosity of life drift into child-like dreams.
Consider with me...
Where do our dreams go? Where is our truth? Our desire? Where is the Soul of Humanity? Where is your soul? Where is mine?
If people were truly happy – people would actually be happy. There would not be this crime rate, this violence, all these wars and famine, this drug involvement – Big Phrama and Street for that matter… This is a traumatic life where media has dictated what is a Holy Life. It manipulated the veil and created it to be a mystical facade for grandiose thinking, priests or 'woo-woo people'.
If people were so happy, then the common denominator question that we as a human society have would not be…
What is my purpose? Why am I here?
And if you allow yourself to really get to this place where you are asking this question – you have come down a corridor of the desert.
This is where I have been. Because the farther you go you begin to ask questions that perhaps scare you beyond the 'What is the purpose'…
The bigger questions come…
And that is what if I no longer have meaning?
What if there is no purpose?
What do you really believe? Who’s voices are in your mind? What judgements live there? How many of us even know the depths of our interior selves? Who can articulate their unconscious thoughts or dare try to offer themselves without reservations? How many scripts have been co-signed before you formulated your own opinions? Do you have the awareness of understanding the fragility of our humanship? How do you exercise Grace? Tell me about your teacher of compassion? How did you learn forgiveness?
... Still this doesn't even reach the arcane forte of heart.
The Desert dissolves the layers of Love... and all the boundaries we have enlisted for love.
I didn't realize I still had so many to release. The aridness of my journey had sequestered me to a position of mystical, spiritual depression.
Don't mistake me. This isn't a bad thing. I believe that the great healers, lovers of light, teachers of high wisdom, journey here... and probably more often than not.
Owning this is imperative. Speaking about it more so.
This is the thriving through uncertainty... This is finding the cure for that which ails ourselves and that of humanity.
This is the preparation... how can one be a messenger and cup of life if we are unable to contain the weight of truth? I believe we have to come to such a point of emptying... our cup becoming so parched... so broken and shredded in order to develop the faculty of becoming the proper vessel of universal and cosmic abundance of love.
It's a muscle.
Our human is a muscle of the divine order.
I was brought to a field of isolation that cosmically stretched me...
I had to CTRL + ALT + DEL all things to make sure I could hear, sense, feel, see and KNOW with complete clarity because my love frequency felt so static...
There is no problem that can be solved in your life right now because No-Thing can be resolved by the same level of consciousness that created it.
How can you outsmart yourself? You can’t initiate that kind of shattering. Or that kind of initiation… alone.
One of the greatest life questions is:
What Would Love Do Now?
Right now we are in a political climate that has personally attacked a great many peoples. We have crimes committed against each other that have rivaled hostilities of revenge and we bully... we judge... we criticize... we augment ourselves and reality to fit a paradigm based on what exactly? What is your function? Where did it come from?
What would love do now?
Seriously?
Can you step beyond and enter into a role of invisible force?
A force of courageous humility that you love with a depth of compassion -
not of this man-made world?
Have you ever done this?
What we do to another we do to ourselves.
What we do to ourselves - we do to another.
The pain in this world…
Is You...
Is Me.
We are Universal.
Rather you want to acknowledge the homeless person on the street or not...
the homeless person exist. Rather you want to acknowledge the school shootings -
the terrorism - the slavery - the abuse - the trafficking - the poliTRICKS - the wars - the famine - the EVERYTHING.
It exist.
So...
What is it that brings you so much pain?
What is it you need to heal yourself?
Truly…
What will it take for your surrendering of it?
How could Love serve you today?
In closing...
The desert is the preparation, it is the purification, it is the path of holy.
You don’t have a problem.
You are not defunct.
You have a process.
You are in transformation.
And that means you’re moving forward into the next best part of your life…
You are entering into Union with your own Divinity.
There are no options.
The desert is the truth.
And it is good.
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